


He's not me

by Aeryn-Inara (Strixgirl)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Future Fic, Jealous Ed, M/M, snarky ed, stop that wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2018-12-12 09:34:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11734326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strixgirl/pseuds/Aeryn-Inara
Summary: Ed is confronted with the reality that Oswald is moving on. Ed needing to prevent Oswald making his biggest mistake, by marrying someone else, takes action.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys,
> 
> I've been listening to He's just not me by Artist Vs Poet on repeat and this is what happens. 
> 
> Comments and constructive criticism definitely welcome. I struggle writing Ed, so any suggestions and/or advice would definitely be appreciated. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys :)

Ed felt sick to his stomach. He regretted to ever agreeing to this, not that he had much choice. 

The Joker had called for a meeting of all his allies to capitalize on the Bat’s recent unexplained absence, and one does not refuse The Crown Prince of Crime unless your looking to end up dead. Though to be honest Ed couldn’t care less about organising some grand scheme, if there’s no one to try and stop him what’s the point of mayhem. 

Of course as the Joker and The Penguin are long time friends and allies the meeting just had to be at the Iceberg Lounge. It also helped that there would be no interruptions, not even the Bat or Gordon are game enough to accost Oswald in his place of business without an appointment, and no one present would get violent for fear of Oswald’s response should they damage his precious club. 

Ed reflects on his predicament as he scowls and sips at his martini. He is at a meeting in has no interest in, surrounded by Gotham’s Rogues, the majority who cannot stand him, just waiting for the first joke about his previous occupation as the club’s centerpiece. He is surprised the lot had lasted this long without comment, it’s been a running joke and Ivy particularly loved to bring it up. Despite his abhorrence of the situation it was not the reason for his unease and stomach turning revulsion. Ed revulsion actually stemmed from his front row seats to Oswald’s budding new romance. 

It was well known Oswald had a penchant for attractive young men, his club was littered with them and he is never seen without a date on his arm, sometimes multiple. However if recent rumors are to be believed The Penguin is settling down and putting aside his philandering ways. The handsome brunette sitting at Oswald side, making moon eyes, would confirm that rumor. The Penguin was never one to bring his bimbos to the business table but this one seems to have weaseled his way into more than Oswald’s pants. 

After the latest giggle from the moron draped all over Oswald, Ed was seriously contemplating walking out. The Joker had been monologuing for the last hour and Ed has barely retained anything he has said, though to be honest he wasn't really listening. If the Joker had a job for him he can come see him alone. This whole meeting was unnecessary and just an excuse for The Joker to have an audience. 

Ed took another mouthful of his drink, this had to be at least his fourth drink of the night, and wondered at Oswald’s reasoning “What does he see in the idiot”. Ed examined the boy. He was tall and lean with brown eyes and brown hair. Ed saw nothing exceptional in his demeanor or observed any cunning or intellect in his gaze. He looked like the run of the mill bimbo that would be seen hanging off Oswald’s arm. What made him special. Ed observed that the boy looked somewhat like he did when he and Oswald first met. Ed wanted to believe that Oswald choose him for the similarities between them, but then again he may just has a type.

As middle age crept up on Ed he couldn’t help but look back on how he and Oswald ended with regret. The man had mentored him, pulled him from the living hell that was Arkham, and was the only person to truly understand him. Ed doesn’t respect many people, they are too singular, small and insignificant creatures unable to grasp the larger picture, but Oswald he respects and considers an equal. No one else has ever measured up. Ed has never had a relationship that could equal what he had with Oswald and could honestly say he loved him. 

Though when thinking of the past Ed regrets Isabellah more than anything. He didn’t understand what he would be throwing away when he allowed his insecurity and fears to take control and entered into a relationship with her. He was never going to have normal. Normal would never be enough to sustain him and he would have only ended up hurting her. What they had was superficial and driven by his misguided need to be normal and guilt associated with Kristen’s death. 

While he mourned Isabellah, though on reflection he felt little grief over her death and most was due to the loss of his second chance at normality, it was Oswald’s betrayal that hurt him most. He could not accept that Oswald could, let alone did, love him. He thought it another ploy of Oswald to manipulate him. His faith in Oswald had been shaken, Ed believed him to be the same as everyone else who treated him as a tool to be used. After the confrontation at the Siren’s his pride prevented him from accepting it. This only got worse after Oswald returned and Ed had made his debut as the Riddler. After everything they had done to each other neither could see a way to reconcile, their pride and pain would always flare up and get in the way. As a result they have existed as uneasy allies, that barely tolerated each other, for the last 10 years. 

Ed hated the bitterness that enveloped him when thinking about Oswald. Oswald seemed to have gotten everything he wanted, love, respect and power, while Ed had ended up alone and slowly growing bored of the games which had given his life meaning.

Ed was finishing off his drink when he noticed a glass of champagne was being placed in front of him. Ed was confused, he was sure he hadn’t ordered one. It was then he notice it the whole table had been graced with a glass. Ed figured he better tune in because it appeared the Joker deemed this, whatever this was, a call for celebration. The Joker held his glass of champagne in the air for a toast “Ladies and Gentlemen! Please raise your glasses to that most rare and tragic of life's mistakes! Love! Penguin, my friend, congratulations on your future nuptials.” The table held their glasses up in salute and Ed swallowed his in one gulp. Ed had had enough. Ed grabbed his cane and exited the club to the squeals of an excited Ivy. Ed suspected no one even noticed with the happy couple gushing all over each other.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been months and Ed couldn’t stop thinking about Oswald’s wedding. The announcements and invites having had gone out several weeks earlier. Half of Gotham was to be in attendance and it was to be the event of the season. Though every event held by The Penguin is supposed to be the event of the season, despite him hosting several a month.

Ed realised he had never expected Oswald to actually fall in love with someone else. He accepted that they had taken different paths but had held onto the idea that they were each other's true other-half. That they were reflections of each other and what they had could not be replicated. Their relationship had defined each of them and made them the men they were to today. There was no Riddler without the Penguin and no Penguin without the Riddler. Their rivalry driving both of them to the heights they have reached. Oswald’s crown jewel, the Iceberg Lounge, being created from the ashes of their friendship and his Riddler persona emerging as result of Oswald’s supposed death at his hands. 

Ed decided he could not let this continue. Oswald could not be serious. This boy was not him. He could never replace or compete with what they had. Ed was determined to claim Oswald back and stop him making his greatest mistake. They loved each other and it’s about time they stopped letting their pride get in the way of them being happy. 

It was as Ed was being shown into the Iceberg Lounge when doubts began to slip through _“What if I have this all wrong? What if he doesn’t still love me? Maybe Oswald will choose this boy over me. I’m old, bitter and broken. I’ve been in Arkham more times than most. I annoy most people who come into contact with me. I also hurt him terribly. How could he forgive that?”_. Ed felt himself spiraling, and could feel his other self at the edge of his conscious just waiting to emerge and join his self-deprecation, but Ed had grown skilled at shaking these episodes and pushed his Riddler persona to the forefront. His mask of manic energy and confidence slipping on with ease. The Riddler did not have self-doubt. The Riddler did not lose to insignificant boys who were just a replacement for him. Ed strode into Oswald’s office ready to take what he knew they both wanted.

Oswald was sitting behind a large mahogany desk dressed in his signature suit, minus the top hat and monocle, with a glass of wine on his right, flicking through paperwork. Ed smiled fondly at the sight. Oswald, ever the dedicated businessman. Oswald raised his head at Ed’s entrance “How can I help you my friend” his ever present pleasant smile in place. Ed smirked, then strode over to Oswald, leaned in and kissed him. 

Ed worried he had miscalculated when Oswald went stiff and didn’t respond. Ed started to pull back, fearing he had made a fool of himself, when Oswald suddenly grabbed his tie and pulled him back down. Oswald’s tongue battle his for dominance while his hands roamed over Ed’s body. Ed couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. His plan had worked perfectly. Oswald clearly recognised how they were made for each other. The boy was no competition to the real thing. 

Ed climbed onto Oswald’s lap, his legs straddling Oswald’s, trying to get his body as close to Oswald as he could. They stayed like this, lips devouring each others and hips grinding as their moans and gasps filled the room until a knock was heard at Oswald’s office door. 

Oswald froze in Ed’s arms and then he violently shoved him from his lap. The reality of the situation having finally hitting The Penguin. Ed crashed onto the floor “get up!” Oswald hissed and glared down at Ed “Fix your clothes and go sit over there” Oswald was waving his hand at the chair in front of his desk. Ed’s eyes narrowed in anger and suspicion “What is Oswald playing at?” but he did as instructed. Once he had settled Oswald called for whoever was at the door to enter “Come in”. Oswald looked calm and collected, as if he hadn’t just been moaning like a whore and getting ready to fuck someone on his office desk. This annoyed Ed far more than he could say. 

A few moments pass and in walked one of Oswald’s nameless henchmen “Sorry to interrupt Boss”The man’s eyes widened in shock when he noticed Ed “It’s just... the rings are ready. You asked to be told when they arrived” The man was fidgeting and struggling to maintain eye contact with Oswald, as his eyes kept flicking to Ed. “I guess the room isn’t soundproof” Ed chuckled to himself and Oswald sent him a glare. The poor man has walked in on his boss cheating on his fiance and doesn’t know how to deal with the knowledge. “Thank you Mickey. Please have them delivered to the house. I’m sure Jay would appreciate seeing them” Mickey nodded and scurried from the room.

As soon as the door shut Oswald snarled at Ed “What the hell was that?” Oswald looked furious, his hands clenched and face contorted in a snarl. Ed raised an eyebrow at Oswald “I thought that was obvious, or is that pathetic look alike you're carting around not treating you right Ozzie” Ed was smirking, confidence coming off him in waves after Oswald’s response to him earlier. Ed was certain he had Oswald where he wanted him, and he knew Oswald found his impertinence attractive, he had mentioned in the past when they were on friendly terms. 

Oswald face reddened in rage “You will not speak about him in like that” Ed rolled his eyes “Oh, be serious Oswald. He’s just not me. Now that you have had the real thing you know he can’t measure up” Ed gave Oswald a cheeky smirk and rose from the chair and prowled over to Oswald. Ed leaned into Oswald, arms braced on the arms of Oswald’s chair “So, just give the boy a call and tell him his services are no longer needed.” d began to slide his hand down Oswald's chest “Or we could head home right now and finish what we were just doing. I'm sure he's not so dumb he wouldn't pick up he's not wanted” Ed was chuckling at his own wit, as his nimble fingers began unbuckling Oswald’s belt. 

Oswald was so entranced by Ed's sultry tone and wandering hands he was having difficulty following Ed conversation however stiffened at Ed's comment about Jay’s intelligence “I told you not to talk about him that way” Oswald quickly slapped away Ed's wandering hands and tried to regain his composure “he's my fiance and you will treat him with respect, or you will face the consequences” 

Ed's eyes narrowed in anger as he stepped out of Oswald's personal space. Ed stood looming over Oswald arms crossed and glared down at him “Must you still persist with that nonsense. I'm here now. Why are you pretending he matters” Oswald glared back from his position “And why are you here Riddler? Decided it might be entertaining to disrupt my life. Thank you, but no thank you. I'm in no mood to play your games” Oswald's tone was dismissive, and Ed had never responded well to that tone.

Ed plan began to derail as he couldn’t stop his characteristic reaction to Oswald’s tone “I am here to give you a chance to correct this mistake you seem intent on making. I mean really Oswald, it's quite pathetic.” Ed sneered down at Oswald “Everyone knows he's a replacement for me, a poor one at that, and that this wedding is a farce. Now you know that I'm not going to reject you, you can stop pretending that you want that second rate copy and we can just go home.” Ed sneer turned to a fond smile “I have missed the mansion.” 

Oswald was livid. He stood abruptly and shoved Ed, hard. Ed gasped and stumbled. Oswald stalk towards him “You think fear of rejection is the reason I am not with you. I am not with you Edward Nygma because you shot me and left me for dead. You tried to destroy my empire, and nearly succeeded. You desecrated my father corpse and used his memory to break me. You persisted in your need for vengeance when I gave you every opportunity to mend that bridge. I am not with you because I cannot and do not trust you, nor will I ever.” Ed had continued to back away from an advancing and enraged Oswald and was now backed against a wall “I persist in this so called nonsense because I love Jay. I love Jay because he is everything you are not” Oswald anger seemed to vanish and was replaced with exhaustion “Now, just get out” Oswald turned and limped back to his chair, having forgotten his cane in his emotional outburst. 

Ed feeling crushed headed for the door. Ed stopped at the door, facing away from Oswald “Is that what you tell yourself when you alone, and drowning in the bottom of your drink? That you love him and you're better off without me.” Ed looked at Oswald, pain etched in his every feature “What you have with him may be good. It may even be everything you ever imagined you wanted, but it's nothing compared to what we had. I know I should have spoken sooner rather than waited until now but…” Ed smiled wistfully, the expression full of regret and pain “I love you Oswald.” Ed stood straight and stared down Oswald “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you don’t love me. Tell there isn’t anything missing, that he’s enough” Oswald sneered “He’s not you, which is honestly the most attractive thing about him. I will ask you nicely one last time Riddler. Leave” Ed slammed the door and stormed out of the Iceberg Lounge.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald take on the situation.

Several hours after Ed had stormed out Oswald sat, drinking vodka straight from the bottle, surveying what was left of his trashed office. His rage and frustration had needed an outlet and his decor seemed a good enough target at the time.

Oswald was disgusted with himself. He had allowed Ed to get under his skin, and in the process has possibly done irreparable damage to the one pure and good thing in his life.

Oswald has always hungered for and took more than he had any right to, and it was this trait which propelled him to his status as the King of Gotham. His inability to be satisfied with what he had had always been a driving force for his success. However this had backfired on him when he wanted more than friendship from Ed, and Oswald had become cautious, some would even say fearful, when it came to relationships since.

Jay was the first and only one to ever get past the walls Oswald had built around his heart after that incident. Oswald had met Jay when taking down a minor competitor who was running a human trafficking ring, a practice which had been banned in Gotham since Oswald took power. 

Oswald had found Jay locked in a holding cell while Bridget was having her fun burning the competitor and his thugs to a crisp. Jay had fell into Oswald’s arms, like some heroin from a romance novel, praising Oswald and naming him his saviour. Oswald had been uncomfortable with the praise, he had been merely eliminating a competitor, but the boy was adamant that he owed him his life and refuse to be convinced otherwise.

Oswald gave him a job at the lounge, he had nothing and no one, and that would have been it if the boy hadn’t been intent on looking after him. 

Jay would routinely show up at his office with food, noting that he noticed Oswald hadn’t eaten. He would fuss about Oswald’s work hours, and constantly remind him that he needed to sleep. And when Oswald would begin to sink into a melancholy mood or start building into a rage he would take his wine, scolding him for trying to drink away his problems, and would sit and talk to him until he felt better. The boy was constant in his care and while it sometime annoyed him it also reminded Oswald of his mother and he couldn’t help but crave the attention. 

It wasn’t long before he realised he cared for the boy, more so than he had for anyone in quite some time, and this shook Oswald to his core. 

Oswald had always been aware of the physical similarities between Jay and Ed,the body frame, the height, their eyes and hair, however it was the dynamics of their relationship, the awe Jay felt, constant care and worry, the co-dependency, which caused Oswald to panic. Flashbacks to his time with Ed was all he saw, and worse he began to experience phantom pain, in his stomach where the bullet scar was, whenever he saw Jay. Oswald was terrified it would be Ed all over again and he did not think he could survive the experience twice.

Oswald became paranoid and withdrawn, refusing to see Jay and hiding in his office, dissecting every action and conversation they ever had searching for the ulterior motive. His business had also suffered as his paranoia bleed into his business dealings, watching allies for signs they were working against him and using Jay to bring him down.

In the end it was Jay who brought an end to the craziness. He refused to let Oswald continue to harm himself and his business because of him. He confronted Oswald in his office, after procuring truth serum, and dosing himself in front of Oswald. He then began to tell Oswald how much he loved him, asked not for Oswald to love him back but merely allow him to love and care for him in whatever form he could accept. It was in that moment Oswald knew he was lost. 

All Jay had wanted was to care for him and Oswald realised he wanted to be able to do the exact same thing. 

It was a whirlwind romance and he proposed to Jay after a month. Oswald was glowing with happiness, as Jay had just accepted his proposal hours earlier, when it came time for The Joker’s meeting. Either Jerome was more perceptive than people gave him credit for or he knew Oswald far too well after close to 10 years of friendship. 

The Joker pounced on Oswald as soon as he saw him, firing out all kinds of ridiculous theories about the reason for The Penguin’s good mood. Oswald couldn’t help but laughed at his antics, and was honestly more than happy in that moment share his good news. The Joker thought it a marvelous development and waxed poetically about love before joking about Oswald retiring and leaving his empire in his hands. 

The Joker’s decision to announce it to all the major villains in Gotham had not been something Oswald was prepared for, but he really should have expected it. The Joker was never one to keep a secret. Despite the shock of the surprise announcement it was nice to hear to the honest congratulations from his colleagues.

Ivy very much approved of his choice and was happy that Oswald had finally allowed himself to be happy. She had never be fond of his declaration to never let love be a weakness again and had always been pushing him to find someone and settle down. She said she hated seeing him lonely but Oswald firmly believed she just wanted an excuse to plan a wedding.

Victor and Bridgit were as taciturn with their congratulation as they were with everything else but it was clear they were happy for him. They had been with him after the whole Ed situation and saw what it did to him. The war between them, the obsession with the frozen centerpiece, the panic after his escape and the eventual truce. The fact they supported the relationship eased the remaining fears he hadn’t realised he had had.

Oswald went to take another mouthful when he realised he had finished the bottle. He knew he should go home, the rings would have arrived at the house by now and Jay would confused by why his goons had delivered them and not him, but instead Oswald reached for the intercom buzzer and called for another bottle to be brought up. 

Oswald was in no way ready to face his fiance, with his heart and mind so torn, and with fear and guilt weighing heavily on him. 

Oswald hated that he was tempted by Ed's offer. The idea of having Ed was something he craved more than anything else. He had imagined so many ways, some of which many may consider monstrous, he could have Ed but knew the mere existence of Ed in his life made him weak.

Ed was something that Oswald craved in the very depth of his soul. He had frozen him not only as a reminder but as a way to keep him by his side forever. If he couldn’t have his love he would still own him. Oswald looks back on that period of time with shame, not at his behaviour or intent but how he let it affect him. 

Today was a perfect example of the length Oswald would go to for a slither of affection from Ed. He betrayed himself, in his weakness, and his fiance, in his disloyalty. He allowed base urges and sentiment to dictate his actions and Oswald was disgusted with himself.

Worse Oswald didn’t believe Ed declaration of love, couldn’t trust it, but he still wanted to. Everything was a game to Ed, a competition, and one which he always needed assure all involved he was not only the winner but the superior competitor. 

It was only now he had a competitor for the title of the one who made The Penguin fall in love that he was doing this. Ed need to prove to Gotham he still had a hold over Oswald. He didn’t really want him, he just needed everyone to know he could still break him.

As his employee came in, with the bottle of wine he requested, Oswald resigned himself to a night of self-loathing and drink. He knew if he went home to his fiance that Jay would calm the rage and misery rising in him but his guilt wouldn’t allow him to seek the comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for delay in update, uni is killing me. Hope you enjoy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay finds out about Ed.

In the last two weeks Jay’s life had been thrown into turmoil. The stability and affection of his relationship with Oswald had shifted dramatically and he was worried what that meant for them. 

Since the day of the ring delivery Oswald had been behaving strangely towards him and was becoming self destructive. Oswald barely left the club, he had resumed his heavy drinking and he was pushing Jay away, both emotionally and sexually.

Jay had hoped that whatever issues Oswald had about trusting his heart to another had been resolved, particularly after their confrontation at the club earlier that year, but given his behaviour recently Jay realised he may have hoped for too much. 

Jay knew that emotional scars were always harder to erase than the physical ones that were exposed for all to see. The Penguin’s body was littered with scars but it was the ones unseen that caused him the greatest pain. All Jay had ever wanted was to was to support and care for Oswald, and if that included helping him with his emotional baggage he was not going to turn and run. Despite his desire to support Oswald he could not help if Oswald was avoiding him.

On top of this Oswald had postponed their wedding. He stated it was due to recent threats and problems being caused by a rival but Jay was initially suspicious. At first given Oswald recent withdrawal and odd behaviour Jay thought that Oswald had gotten cold feet. It was only after witnessing one of the caterers trucks explode outside of the Mansion that Jay realised Oswald was serious.

Oswald had also doubled the security around the Mansion, this included having Ivy and the Victors doing rotating shifts as his personal bodyguard. Jay could accept the changes to his personal freedom but what frustrated him was Oswald absolute refusal to tell him which rival was causing the problems, and this included preventing others from discussing it with him. 

Jay wanted to trust that Oswald was just looking after his safety, but feared that if Oswald hadn’t gotten cold feet perhaps he once again was suspicious of his motives and believed him in league with his rival. Jay could see no other reason for his change in behaviour?

Jay was currently heading to the kitchen for a cup of tea, after the hundredth discussion with Ivy about the floral arrangements. Ivy had recently taken to custom designing flowers, with induced defensive and offensive mechanisms, and wanted to trial them at the wedding. Jay thought they were beautiful, and ingenious, however was a little disturbed by the idea of being surrounded by killer flowers on his wedding day, or any day really. 

As Jay made his way towards the kitchen he couldn’t avoid overhearing a conversation about the current threat. Two of Oswald’s men were stationed in the hallway discussing The Riddler and a recent attack on one of Oswald’s warehouses. Normally Jay would either ignore the conversation and walk away or just walk in and interrupt however this was the first time Oswald was actively trying to keep information from him and so to his shame he hid and listened in.

“Do ya know why he’s targeting Penguin? Mickey was saying they had a lover’s tiff, but he’s always talkin out of his arse”

“Ya never know with that one Paulie. Leave it to the Boss. You just keep your gob shut and do ya job”

“I don’t know Tony, maybe we outta jump ship? I mean, the bullshit he's pulling is pretty extreme yet Penguin told everyone he’s to be captured alive. What’s that about? People have earned a bullet to the brain for less. Maybe Penguin don’t got it no more”

“Look kid... the Penguin and Nygma have a history. It will all get sorted. Mind ya mouth and don’t let anyone else hear ya talkin about looking for work elsewhere. Penguin always comes out on top and unless ya wanna end up in the ground you better remember that.”

“I didn’t mean nuthin by Tony, I swear. I won’t mention it again”

The two men switched to talking about the upcoming football game against Metropolis and Jay quickly and quietly fled to his and his fiance’s room.

Jay’s thoughts were all over the place as he grabbed his laptop next to the bed. The men had implied that there was a some kind of relationship between Oswald and The Riddler, but when Jay had asked about the Riddler in the past he had only referred to him as a work acquaintances, and that had seemed a stretch for Oswald. 

Jay logged into his laptop began a search for Edward Nygma cross referenced with Oswald Cobblepot. Jay needed to uncover as much as possible about their history. It appeared Oswald was not above lying to him if the men’s comments were true. 

Jay couldn’t help but wonder if they had been lovers. The young one had seemed to imply that Oswald was acting to protect the Riddler, which was making him look weak, and the other had seemed overly familiar with the scenario, as if this was not the first time they had gone head to head. 

Jay was aware that Oswald refused to call the Riddler by his moniker and had always referred to him as either Edward or Nygma. Oswald had told Jay, after he had observed a particular nasty exchange between the the two of them, that names had power and he refused to relinquish power so easily to such a man. Jay had thought nothing of it until now, now it just seemed a petty act to irritate an ex. 

What Jay’s search located shocked him. Not because of the information revealed, most was about Oswald’s rise and it didn’t strictly contradict the information provided by Oswald. It did however lead Jay to believe Oswald had deliberately mislead him. No it was the pictures that popped up with the search that had him feeling as if the ground had just disappeared from under his feet. 

Whenever Jay had had reason to interact or observe the Riddler in the past, either at the club or in the media, he was always wearing his famed purple domino mask. The mask, along with his hat had a way of obscuring his face. Jay had taken him to be a slender man, with brown hair, of middle age and nothing of note baring his garish clothing choices. Though Jay acknowledged he didn’t pay much attention to anyone other than Oswald. 

The pictures he found were of the two of them during Oswald’s time as Mayor. Without the mask Jay was shocked at the resemblance between the two of them. He knew it had been twelve years and the Riddler would likely look different now, however in his youth the two of them would have been mistaken for twins.

Jay didn’t know how to feel about what he had uncovered. The pictures indicated they were more than an employee and employer. The looks between them were far too familiar, they spoke of a much deeper connection. Oswald men were aware of some kind of history between the two. Not to mention the articles implied they were very close, risking life and reputation for each other, and speculation existed about how close given the men lived together. 

Instinctively Jay began to question his relationship with Oswald. Had he merely been a replacement of a lost love? A means fulfil an unmet need? Or worse was he the interloper and the Riddler the spurned lover? Had Oswald felt the need to upgrade to a younger model and threw the other aside? All these questions and more were circling through Jay’s mind but one thing was certain, he needed to speak to Oswald. Oswald would not be avoiding him tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald returns home to be confronted by Jay

Oswald was exhausted. Ed had been causing chaos in every aspect of his life, both legitimate and criminal, and he had spent the last couple of weeks preventing coups, managing financial losses and repairing relationships, and it was starting to get on his last nerve.

The latest dramatic turn of events orchestrated by the _Riddler_ had him and the Victors running all over Gotham answering ridiculous riddles in an attempt to track him down. The trail of riddles eventually lead them all to the Gotham docks and suddenly the intent of Ed’s game became crystal clear. As with all the previous locations Ed was nowhere to be seen, however this time in his place he had left a bouquet of delphinium and forget-me-not flowers with a riddle. Oswald only had to glance at the riddle to know the answer.  
_________________  
“I can bring tears to your eyes and resurrect the dead. I form in an instant and can last a lifetime. What am I?”  
_____________________

Oswald snarled in anger before he ordered Victor to freeze the bouquet. If the _Riddler_ wanted to make a bold symbolic statement then he would as well.

In hindsight Oswald realised each location Ed had picked had held some kind of significance for them, and choosing to conclude the damn chase at the docks made it clear to Oswald it was all a mind game to punish him for their last interaction. An elaborate series of humiliations followed by a reminder of his lowest moment, standing on the dock beaten, broken and begging for Ed’s love.

Oswald left the frozen bouquet on the dock with an Iceberg Lounge business card as his answer to the damn riddle before heading back to the lounge, taking pleasure in the fact that this location held a memory just as humiliating for the Riddler as it did him.

Oswald spent next several hours trying to block the barrage of fond, humiliating and painful memories overwhelming him with copious amounts of vodka, however deep down he knew it wasn’t going to help. He didn’t have the luxury of getting blackout drunk with the _Riddler_ using his empire as his personal playground and nothing but a complete blackout was going to stop the intrusive thoughts and feelings. At this point it was just an act of self pity and served only to fuel his pain and anger.

Oswald eventually decided to head home, hoping that tonight he might be able to enjoy the comfort of Jay’s arms without the guilt and fear that has been eating away at him ruining it. Ever since the incident with Ed he has been barely able to touch Jay without guilt and anxiety making him physically ill. It was made all the worse by the fact he knew he would do it again if given the opportunity.

Despite his desire to see Jay, Oswald spent several minutes standing anxiously outside their bedroom door talking himself into entering, not wanting to face the inevitable guilt that accompanied seeing him. As soon as Oswald did open door however he knew something was wrong. The lights were all on and Jay was sitting on the bed anxiously watching the door.

Before Oswald could ask if he was okay, Jay hurriedly asked “Why didn’t you want me to know it was the Riddler causing you problems?”

Oswald tried not to let his surprise show at Jay’s question “How did you know it was the Riddler?” Oswald had done everything in his power to ensure that Jay remained unaware of Ed's involvement, well aware that it was due to his guilt and his fear of Jay finding out about what happened between them.

Jay rapidly responded “That’s not an answer” The hurt clear in his voice.

Oswald knew he would hate himself for it later but he couldn’t stop the lie that came automatically to his lips “For your protection, of course. What other reason could I have?”

The click of a laptop being snapped opened was all the warning Oswald had before it was shoved at him by his angry fiance. “So you're saying it had nothing to do with not wanting me to find out about your history together, and that I coincidentally look just like him?”

Oswald rolled his eyes at the opened page and the dramatic headline _“How A Thwarted Assassination Attempt Revealed More Than Our New Mayor Wanted Us To Know”._ The article included a picture taken at the electoral celebration at Sirens, the one where he was cradling Ed after Butch had attacked him, and contained nothing but speculation and accusations around his hiring of a convicted murderer and madman. It was sensationalized garbage written by the vexatious Vicki Vale, the one reporter who consistently distrusted any of his legitimate endeavors and found ways to tie them to his alleged criminal empire.

Oswald handed the laptop back to Jay with a glare and walked into his closet and began to get undressed. Oswald thought his lack of response was a clear enough answer that he did not intend to discuss the topic further however Jay refused to let the subject rest and followed behind him.

“Did you know the press called him your constant companion? You lived together, worked together and as far the Gotham gazette was concerned you never appeared without him by your side. Jesus Christ Oswald, you even named your club after him”

Oswald quickly realised that fate had chosen today to carve him open and throw his past in his face and he was to be given no reprieve, even in his own home.

“He’s a work associate, both then and now, nothing more. Any similarity in appearance is coincidental and not of any consequence.”

Even as the guilt gnawed at his insides at each lie he spoke, after years of double dealing and backstabbing, Oswald knew it was unwise to reveal his hand early or admit to anything without more proof than mere speculation. However his ill ease with feelings of guilt caused him to become sarcastic and defensive.

“I do _apologise_ that all my efforts to protect you from him have caused you to doubt me. I didn't expect that a mere _coincidence_ would raise all this suspicion and these _ridiculous_ questions otherwise I would have spoken about it sooner”

The disappointment was evident in Jay’s expression as he looked at Oswald “Why are you lying to me? I’m not blind. I didn’t see it before, maybe I was willfully ignorant or just missing the correct pieces, but it hard not to notice the tension between you two when he’s at the lounge, or the comments you make about him whenever he comes up. It’s as if you know him and not just his persona. Were you two a couple?”

Oswald felt painfully exposed, as if his past was being laid bare for the world to see, and resentful that he is being forced to reveal a weakness to another. Despite his affection for Jay he did not want to share that he loved, but was not loved in returned. It still cut deep and after the day he had had the memories felt raw. Oswald hoped that a half truth would suffice because he did not know if he could be that honest with Jay.

“Edward and I were never together. I’ll admit we were more than work associates. We were friends, good friends…. Well that was until I did something he found unforgivable and returned the favour. But that is all, there is no grand conspiracy. You are not a replacement, despite physical appearances you are drastically different from one another”

Jay sighed “I don’t know if I believe you. Friends don’t look at each other like that, and this all seems too personal” before turning and heading back into the bedroom.

Oswald quickly finished changing into his pajamas and headed back into the bedroom, feeling much more at ease now the conversation about him and Ed was over. He knew Jay wasn’t satisfied and they would have to continue this conversation at another time, however Oswald figured next time he will have had more time to think about and prepare what to say that it won’t be as confronting.

Oswald was shocked when he entered and saw that Jay was packing a suitcase.

“What are you doing?”

Jay turned towards Oswald, tears evident in his eyes as he advised “I’m going to stay with some friends. I need some space, I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.” then returned to packing his suitcase.

Oswald hated how the fear and pain of potentially losing Jay made him act cruel, he knew it wouldn’t help, but he couldn’t stop the edge of sarcasm in his tone and words “So it’s emotional blackmail is it? Tell you everything, no matter how it might risk my business, or you’ll leave me?”

Oswald stalked over to Jay, anger and irritation clear in his voice “Fine. I was in love with him. He didn’t love me back. I accepted it and moved on but Ed has taken offence to this and has decided to cause me problems. Any attention is better than no attention has always been Ed’s motto. You know everything now. Are you satisfied now that I have ripped open a goddamn wound so you can watch it bleed?”

Jay smiled bitterly at Oswald confession “No. You lied Oswald. You only told me anything in the first place because I forced your hand, and I can’t even trust that since your story changes the more I ask. How can I trust anything you tell me?”

Scared and angry of the feelings losing Jay evokes Oswald snarls “Leave then. It won’t be long before you come crawling back. Your nothing without me” then watches silently as his fiance walks out the door.

Oswald waits for an hour, standing frozen in place, in hopes of Jay returning but as his leg starts to ache with the strain he realises it’s not going to happen. Oswald limps over to their bed and collapses, curling in on himself, as the sinking realisation that he has once again driven away someone he loves with his lies. Loneliness he has not felt since Ed’s betrayal begins to engulf him as he lays there filled with self-loathing. He knew he didn’t deserve Jay, but he was selfish and decided to keep him despite this and now he was paying the price.

_“Maybe Ed was right. Maybe I am incapable of truly loving another person. Everyone I love, I hurt”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI if anyone interested delphiniums are symbolic of an open heart and ardent attachment and forget-me-nots of faithful love and memories and are given in the hope the recipient will not forget the giver.


	6. Chapter 6

Ed giggled in delight as he listened to the argument between Oswald and his _fiance_ escalate to dramatic proportions. 

“Tisk, tisk, tisk. Silly boy.” Ed smirked “Oswald never responds well to being cornered. He lashes out, spewing vitriol and violence” gesturing dismissively with his hand “but I can hardly expect arm candy to understand Oswald the way I do”

With a triumphant smile he bounces across the room to turns off the speakers for the audio monitoring equipment he managed to smuggle into Oswald home. 

Ed knew he was generally a smug bastard but he honestly couldn’t have been prouder of himself in that moment. Everything went exactly as planned, despite all the moving pieces and the unpredictability of Oswald. The travesty he deluded himself into believing was a relationship crumbled under the weight of his history with Ed. 

_“I mean really… he was a pathetic copy, but at least now he knew it”_

Furthermore, his coordinated attacks effectively lead all involved towards the spectacular finale he had planned. It will captivate Gotham and solidify their bond. 

_"No one is more perfect for him than me. Soon It will be made undeniable and Oswald will see. He must!"_

Initially, after his first plan to woo Oswald had failed, Ed became a pitiful mess. He hid himself away and wallowed in self pity. It was disgustingly pathetic. Even he couldn’t stand to be around himself, which his _other_ self made sure to remind at every opportunity. 

_“Look at you! Sulking in your bed like a child. God! If I had any choice in the matter I would leave you for something better too”_

This was just the beginning. That sinister little voice whispered in his ear over several days, bringing every and any negative feelings he had about himself to the surface. With each hateful comment his pain intensified and the voice grew stronger, until it once again took form. 

The apparition haunted him, a cruel and mocking presence inspired by all of Ed fears and regrets. 

_“At one time he would have given you all of Gotham, now he’s smart enough to know not to waste his time on you.”_ with a sneer it continued _“I mean seriously, you’re just one Arkham stay away from permanent residence. You sicken even me, and I’m you.”_ Pausing for a moment as if lost in thought he then laughed _“Well... the better version that is. What ever made you think that he would want **you** back?”_

It was merciless and cruel, taking evident joy in ripping him open and exposing his every vulnerability, but never without purpose. Despite its cruelty it was his own inner voice and it had always been his compass, forever directing him towards his true desires. It had no qualms about dragging him kicking and screaming, either in rebellion or pain, towards his true path. 

In fact, it was when he was at his lowest that it had showed him the way to win Oswald’s heart. 

_“This is all **your** fault you know.” the hallucination taunted from its place across the room. _

Ed snarled “Shut up!” as he had tried to curl further into a ball nothingness. He had laid there silently, hoping against all logic and reason that since he could not make his hallucination disappear that he might be able to make himself disappear. If he just thought hard enough maybe reality would bend to his will. 

But alas, the universe was not kind and had refused to change it laws for his comfort, or sanity, and he was left a wretched mess on his cold and empty bed with nothing but his tormentor’s mocking laugh and callous words as company.

_“Well clearly **I’m** not the problem.” _

The hallucination had be casually flicking through abandoned plans when suddenly it materialised above him, arms bracketing his body as it had leaned down to whisper it’s venomous observations into his ear _“Oswald always forgave **me**. He has always needed **me**. He has repeatedly saved **me** from the mediocrity that is **you**.” _

His other self’s voice had grown darker and more vicious with each clipped observation. It’s disgust appearing barely contained as it muttered _“Yet you always worm your way back and take control. ”_

Abruptly the hallucinations shoved itself up from Ed with a snarl then began to pace in anger as it threw insults at the seemingly lifeless body of Edward Nygma.

_“Clearly he can see how pathetic you are. Insecure, indecisive and scared. You disgust him. Why would he even risk bringing me out just to have to have you return. We’ve lost him and now I’m stuck in the cage of your stupidity and insipidness”_

With vivid clarity he suddenly saw what he need to do. His other self’s cruelty shining the proverbial light on the problem and forcing him to face some hard realisations. 

Of course Oswald was not going to trust Edward Nygma. Edward Nygma had always turned on him, threw his emotions back at him then ran off when thing got too close for comfort. The Riddler was Oswald’s equal. He had proven his loyalty and was unbending in his desire to take what he wanted. The Riddler was who he needed to be to win Oswald back, so the Riddler he would be. 

With this knowledge his confidence returned and the perfect plan formed in his mind. He would destabilise the sham relationship with increase pressure on Oswald's businesses, remind Oswald of the depth of their shared love and history, as well as making a public declaration of his feelings. All of Gotham would bare witness and Oswald would know, without a doubt, that the Riddler loved the Penguin. 

Ed had never been good at expressing feelings. He had even greater difficulty articulating them, and as a result he always went to great efforts to demonstrate his feelings by making some grand gesture. 

Despite his determination his gestures were sadly less than clear to the receiver and tended to be seen as either invasive, creepy or irritating. Sometimes all three. 

So in his excitement Ed had completely forgot to consider whether his plan would further damage his tumultuous relationship with Oswald, or that the man may misinterpret the message. 

Instead he remained blissfully unaware of Oswald’s frustrations and was just overjoyed that Oswald’s attention was once again back on him where it belonged. 

Ed also amused himself with a plan to mess with Jay. The boy had been on edge for weeks, aware Oswald was holding something back. Idiot had yet to work out Oswald’s heart belonged to the Riddler and he was just a stand in. To help matters along Ed paid dear old Mickey an exorbitant sum, otherwise why would he dare cross The Penguin, to share what he witnessed to Penguin's crew. As expected someone let slip near the bimbo and of course he acted predictably. So predictably Ed almost felt sorry for him. Almost. 

Now relatively certain enough time had past for the boy to be outside the reach of the security Oswald has surrounding his home, Ed called his henchwomen Query and Echo and directed them to pick him up. His upcoming performance would be pointless without the antagonist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,
> 
> I've struggled a lot with this chapter since the direction the show has taken. I've rewritten this chapter at least a dozen times at this point. 
> 
> I'm probably too emotionally invested in this ship and am way to angry on Oswald account at the moment to write kindly of Ed, I actually made a break up playlist for Oswald which has been played on repeat too much to be considered healthy lol
> 
> I will be taking a break from this story for a little while until I can be unbiased. I may even rewrite the chapter once in a better headspace. 
> 
> Any feedback you can give would be appreciated. Despite my lack/delay in responses I truly appreciate your comments and kudos and have been overwhelmed by your support for the story.
> 
> I am so sorry that I can't give the conclusion you've been waiting for yet, I know the feels of waiting for an update, but it so I give this story the ending it deserves rather than what my emotions dictate.


End file.
